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Thomasin LaMay's avatar

Lesson 240 words

Years ago, a small southern US town, July 4th in late afternoon, I ran away. I found a fair on the other side of the Norfolk Southern railway tracks. A hotdog. Choking, stuck, heat. Sweating fingers probing my chest. A hug, I thought it was love, then fresh air. I turned to look, but the man was gone. I remember the texture of clapping feet, a sound my memory tried to soften. I didn’t realize at the time that the Heimlich maneuver could look like a black man’s assault on a white girl. And while I didn’t have words for segregation or race, or the wrong side of the tracks, in that moment I understood explicitly that I was white and he was black. That it mattered deeply. Suddenly I perceived skin as meaning. And what I’d felt in his fingers was fear.

I also learned that I could die. While startling, it wasn’t as important.

In my 30s I went back to that town looking for lost pieces of myself. Someone who’d known me from foster care days told me this:

They called him Jersey. It wasn’t his name. He changed it when he got out of prison. Well liked. He farmed vegetables, only had one hand, the other lost to a farm machine. His real name was Ewo (pronounced ē – woah), Creole for Hero. He left town soon after. No one saw him there again.

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